Unspoken Words

In this piece I will address the matter of swearwords. And I don’t mean ‘I swear’ but I mean the use of those words which a lot of people use to express their feelings or emphasize their message. When I was younger I knew my way well around the use of swearwords, whether they were Dutch or English I used them all with relish. I thought it made me look cool. There became a moment I was swearing so violently, my colleague asked me if I had Jules de LaTourette.  That was when I realizes I had gotten to much carried away with just shouting whatever came first to mind. Of course I always condemned using words with horrible illnesses, like cancer, even though in the Netherlands a lot of people are accustomed to use those, but still. At that moment I was working a lot with children and I couldn’t bare the thought of transferring my bad habit onto them. So I started to try and control whatever it was I wanted to express and at first it was really hard. I didn’t realize how much it had become a habit, it was almost compulsory. At first I felt lost and vulnerable and I really couldn’t find other words to express myself without sounding like a woman from days of old. In time it got less and less, I didn’t find new words, I mainly just figured out I didn’t really need them anymore, but I never got completely rid of them…

Now the funny thing about learning a new language, except for it being incredibly difficult, is that they might teach all the words, safe for the swearwords. You don’t need swearwords to communicate effectively, you don’t even need them to express your feelings effectively, especially when you stay true to yourself, because your body language will show them everything. The funny thing is I didn’t even notice the absence of swearwords in my vocabulary, I didn’t insert the Dutch or English swearwords in my sentences, I simply had no desire to use them. This became apparent to me when I started living with the first family. They didn’t swear the whole time, but being native speakers they used them from time to time. I recognized them because I’ve been hearing them on the streets and in movies as well, and that’s when I realized I had a choice. I didn’t really had the choice when I was little, everyone used them they were as normal as regular verbs. But while I am learning Italian I can consciously make the decision whether I want my sentences to be polluted with these words, or if I want I want to distance myself from them. As long as I’m getting used to the language, I can choose if I also get used to using swearwords. I was immensely grateful for this opportunity and you can guess my choice.

I am really interested to see what happens when I return to the Netherlands, will I be able to stay ‘clean’ of these so called ‘bad words’? Or will the temptation be too much? Only future will tell ;-)