Naive Me

I know I can be a little naive sometimes, this week was a very good example of this.
When I started planning this whole trip I realized this would mean not spending Sinterklaas, Christmas, my mums birthday or my own birthday with my parents. I knew I would probably miss them and they would probably miss me. They might even have been a little disappointed because I chose this time to be abroad. But we all just have to live with it.
Last week it suddenly dawned on me that they wouldn't just miss me at these special occasions, they would probably miss my-day-to-day-being-me more. And I felt a little guilty.
But still, we all just have to live with it.

Then something else happened: I started saying goodbye to people. Of course I knew I would miss my best friends, but there are so much more people in my life that I will miss! And some of them really touched me by honestly telling me how much they'll miss me. I was moved, it made me sad, but at the same time immensely happy. I sometimes forget, but I am surrounded by so many people who I care about, and who care about me as well. I feel blessed for every single one of them and will miss them all!

You might think: why is this all so new to her? Why doesn't she knows these things are part of the deal? Well, mainly, I've never been abroad on my own. Let alone for such a long time.
True, I did move from Amsterdam to Eindhoven and from Eindhoven to Nijmegen, but I could always choose to visit my friends, within a two hours journey (without planes involved).

However, none of this means I am having second thoughts on the whole going-to-Italy-for-half-a-year-idea. If anything it made me more determined. It will be not only be a physical journey, but a psychological/emotional developmental journey as well.

To end this post, I've moved to my parents house for the next three weeks, in Amsterdam. Right now the room is completely stuffed with bags, clothes laying all over the place, books in piles that were supposed to look like stacks. In other words: it's total chaos and I have to fight to make room in my bed to sleep. So the next step will be: to bring some order in this!